Cold press coffee + a needless ramble

   So, this blog is obviously in its inaugural days, and so far, the only thing we don’t seem to be running short on is chocolate recipes and  sub-par photographs, so, with these facts in mind, here’s my freshest contribution to the virtual culinary pool, a chocolate-free recipe depicted exclusively with shitty pictures.

    Lately I’ve been trying to be “healthier”, something I tend to do periodically. My current kick has manifested itself in the urge to reduce my weekly sugar intake, which has become astronomical in the past few weeks, as well as caffeine. Yes, caffeine. So, I haven’t had any coffee recently. 

Coffee grounds suggestion. And why, you ask, am I holding it over a pillow? Why not?

   I accidentally weaned off coffee a few months ago and was determined to keep my intake at a few cups a week after experiencing a euphoric increase in energy in the wake of my break up with caffeine. I’ve been drinking coffee twice a day since I was around twelve, and had indulged occasionally before that. All of my coffee-guzzling life I’ve heard about how reducing one’s caffeine intake does stupendous things, turning you into an angelic iron-pumping health crusader who leaps out bed in the morning like a jacked up frog on heroin. Naturally, I laughed in the face of such nonsense. Everyone knows nobody can wake up in the morning—or stay conscious through the afternoon—without coffee.

    Turns out I was wrong. Not only can you achieve somewhat better than zombiesque sentience without coffee, the whole healthy-heroin-frog thing is true. Or at least, for me it was. For several weeks I felt amazing. But suddenly, I began to have trouble sleeping and staying asleep, sluggish and a little angry when I woke up every morning, and persistently sleeping in before lurching through a half-hearted 18 minutes or so of exercise embarked upon with all the enthusiasm and grace of a heavily medicated Elvis Presley. (Have you seen that man in his later years? That’s not much grace. Less than none). Sadly, the only change I’d made preceding to this sudden plunge in my general quality of life was getting back on that go-juice again. Go figure.

    Why am I broadcasting all of this on the internet? Maybe it’s because the things the doctors and your next-door neighbor and Dr. Oz say about caffeine are true. Maybe it’s because I’m still digesting this reality and it’s a hard, lonely road.  The biggest question a practical reader might ask is, why would someone precede a coffee recipe with such a damning tale? My answer is, who knows. It may be related to the fact that I have the thought process of a crazed adolescent fox and I thought the word “coffee” and began to 

free-associate. Perhaps more likely, it’s because I’m just really jonesing for some joe after four days clean.

    Conjecture aside, this is my favorite cold press recipe: the recipe that you, and I, and the whole world deserve to enjoy guilt-free. When I say guilt-free I am certainly not implying that decaf be implemented in any step of this process (don’t be that guy). I’m just saying that you should indulge in this with the sort of abandon usually reserved for things that actually matter, like saving orphans and scrapbooking. Because one can’t be too careful with one’s health. By which I mean, being careful is super boring and drink this coffee.

      Note to whomever is still reading at this point: these pictures, admittedly, aren’t the best. The finished product looks lighter than it does in reality, owing to the fact that I had almost no natural light or talent and certain parts of my camera are broken, like the flash. Just use your imagination. Or better yet, make this cold press and see for yourself. You’ll never regret it, I promise. 

Overnight Cold Press

1 cup + 1/3 c coffee, ground

6 cups cold water

¼ + 1/8 cup brown or coconut sugar

1 tbsp Saigon cinnamon

Vanilla

Milk of choice

Put ingredients in pitcher, add a small amount of water and stir well. Then, add the rest of the water and stir. Cover pitcher and let sit in the fridge over night. The next day, run through a French press. If you don’t have a press, you can strain by covering a colander with a coffee filter or cheesecloth.

   Pour over ice into a glass, adding some vanilla extract if desired. I added a little coconut milk to mine because that makes me feel fancy.