Happy Cinco de Mayo + Hard Times-style Haystacks [vegan]

 

    One of my favorite restaurants is a subversive-looking little joint in Minneapolis called Hard Times Cafe. Collectively owned, the place is open nearly all night and offers an unapologetically vegan and vegetarian menu, as well as some really delicious coffee. Hard Times has a personality that’s simultaneously welcoming and a little scary. The interior is casual and grungy— you feel perfectly at ease dumping your stuff in a booth and lounging around like it’s your own living room, just redone with more feral houseplants and anarchist graffiti. When one hears of a vegetarian restaurant, you typically expect little portions of artisan salads followed by raw deserts and herbal tea eaten at sleek tables by couples in Tevas who smell of patchouli, not nihilism and a casual refusal to fit into any recognizable mold, culinary or otherwise.

   You’ll see college students there, and people who look homeless, and others who look like they’ve done a lot of acid and are going to do a lot more in the future, and even the occasional trifecta of these things. My point is, Hard Times draws a mixed crowd, and vegetarianism isn’t exactly their selling point as a business. Awesome is their selling point. Awesome, and fantastic food, and not really caring about what you or Minneapolis or anyone else thinks. Being Hard Times.

  So what does all this have to do with Cinco de Mayo? Hardly anything really. It's tangentially related by the existence of a delicious Hard Times creation called the Haystack.. It’s basically their own devil-may-care version of nachos, and to date their only fare I’ve satisfactorily replicated at home. 

    I’m sharing my conception of it today because it’s basically Cinco de Mayo in your mouth. I actually would never have ordered it, opting instead for the menu items that I can’t or won’t make at home, but Jack got it on one of our marathon card game sessions and I tried it and the rest is history.

    
The original dish does not use lentils. I used them in desperation one day, instead of black beans, and it’s definitely an improvement. (A certain dyed-in-the-wool carnivore I live with gives them his stamp of approval as well). Don’t use black beans. I don’t care about authentic. In case you haven’t noticed, to most Americans, Cinco de Mayo isn’t about being authentic. It’s about eating vaguely Latin foods and getting sloshed on cheap margaritas all while under the delusion that May 5^th is the boozier Mexican interpretation of the Independence Day without the fireworks and color-coordinated food. My point is, you could do worse than making this and calling it a day. So if you haven’t done anything special to celebrate this Cinco de Mayo yet I encourage you to do just that. Or better yet, if you’re in the vicinity of Minneapolis, head to Hard Times, write something marginally political on the bathroom wall, and eat a giant haystack for me. 

Haystacks:

Corn chips

Black olives to taste, sliced or whole

Seasoned lentils (see below)

2 cups shredded lettuce or spinach

                  1 tomato, diced                    

1 avocado, diced

1 cup of salsa

3/4 cup of corn

1/4 cup diced onion (red is best but I used regular for this edition)

Lime + fresh cilantro

Optional: nutritional yeast, shredded cheese, sour cream

For the spiced lentils:

1 ½ cups cooked lentils

2 tbsp chipotle, dried

1 tsp garlic powder

¼ tsp red pepper

1 ½ tsp cumin

1 tsp smoked paprika (optional)

Juice of 1 lime (optional)

            Combine spices and lentils, stir well and chill.

To assemble haystacks: 

Cover two plates with a layer of corn ships. Sprinkle lettuce on top of chips, followed by lentils, tomato, and remaining ingredients, finishing with the nutritional yeast or dairy products and cilantro. Squeeze lime over stacks and eat immediately, preferably with a margarita, beer, or some other equally cold and delicious beverage.